I
There’s the stigmata
that she will never change
she will never be any better
any different
she dives into her pain
alone
she doesn’t ask for help anymore
for fear that she will be named
labelled again
the angry girl
who will never change
II
There’s the stigmata
that she will always
be angry
hateful
vengeful
she’s tired of it all
tired of the whispers
the words behind her back
from friends untrue
she’s tired of the perception
people have of her
she wishes they’d take time
to see her for who
she really is
III
Behind the anger
there’s so much love
behind the hurt
there’s someone so sweet
so kind
so genuine
but they refuse to see
beyond the stigmata
that she will never change
IV
How can she change
when people keep telling ehr
it’s impossible
they keep showing her
keep living in the past
dwelling on mistakes she made
long ago
not letting go of the befores
not focusing on the now
the stigmata lives on
because people aren’t willing
to open their eyes and see
aren’t willing to believe
that change is possible
V
There’s the stigmata
that she will never change
she will never be any better
any different
she dives into her pain
alone
she doesn’t ask for help
anymore
she fears she will be named
labelled again
dubbed the angry girl
and there within her heart
the stigmata remains
the girl who will never
ever
change
She seemingly will never change. Nothing about her will ever be good. She will be stuck, forever bound with the stigmata of being an angry girl. An angry girl who has officially grown into an angry woman. Sadly, they refuse to see that she wasn’t always angry and that she’s trying to not be angry anymore. The problem lies within the thought process running rampant in her mind. The thought that all people are out to get her, all people are out to hurt her and all people will end up destroying her.
She wasn’t always angry. She was carefree, happy and filled with life. Along the lines of growing up that happiness drained. It was like she was unplugged and the happiness was siphoned from her body leaving a lifeless, hateful girl. How can she manage to stay happy when the people she considered friends and loved ones broke her spirit? Her body, mind and soul were violated in inexplicable ways and they still wanted her to smile. She decided that she’d paint on the smile and pretend for them, when all the while she was breaking inside. She was losing the very essence of who she was as a person. The only thing though that people cared about was that she was a well behaved young lady, not that she was severly broken and drowning little by little. The weight of her life and her secrets weighing down on her and shoving her beneath the currents of everyday life.
Life seemed to suffocate her at every turn. She began isolating herself from the world. For years now she’s left herself with no friends, no hope, no help…nothing. She didn’t care anymore, she just wanted to be left alone. She wanted to be away from the hurt, but no matter how hard she tried she always seemed to get hurt.
Now she sits alone. She spends time with only one person. She loves him unconditionally and would die for him. He is her only friend. That way she’s safe. Safe from the world. Away from the people who want to hurt her yet somehow she will never be completely safe. She will always be haunted by her memories of all the hate and regret. And that makes her cry.
