Stigmata

Ξ February 18th, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Wicked Poetry |

I

There’s the stigmata

that she will never change

she will never be any better

any different

she dives into her pain

alone

she doesn’t ask for help anymore

for fear that she will be named

labelled again

the angry girl

who will never change

II

There’s the stigmata

that she will always

be angry

hateful

vengeful

she’s tired of it all

tired of the whispers

the words behind her back

from friends untrue

she’s tired of the perception

people have of her

she wishes they’d take time

to see her for who

she really is

III

Behind the anger

there’s so much love

behind the hurt

there’s someone so sweet

so kind

so genuine

but they refuse to see

beyond the stigmata

that she will never change

IV

How can she change

when people keep telling ehr

it’s impossible

they keep showing her

keep living in the past

dwelling on mistakes she made

long ago

not letting go of the befores

not focusing on the now

the stigmata lives on

because people aren’t willing

to open their eyes and see

aren’t willing to believe

that change is possible

V

There’s the stigmata

that she will never change

she will never be any better

any different

she dives into her pain

alone

she doesn’t ask for help

anymore

she fears she will be named

labelled again

dubbed the angry girl

and there within her heart

the stigmata remains

the girl who will never

ever

change

                          

 

 

Seemingly so

Ξ February 9th, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Thoughts of a deviant mind |

She seemingly will never change. Nothing about her will ever be good. She will be stuck, forever bound with the stigmata of being an angry girl. An angry girl who has officially grown into an angry woman. Sadly, they refuse to see that she wasn’t always angry and that she’s trying to not be angry anymore. The problem lies within the thought process running rampant in her mind. The thought that all people are out to get her, all people are out to hurt her and all people will end up destroying her.

She wasn’t always angry. She was carefree, happy and filled with life. Along the lines of growing up that happiness drained. It was like she was unplugged and the happiness was siphoned from her body leaving a lifeless, hateful girl. How can she manage to stay happy when the people she considered friends and loved ones broke her spirit? Her body, mind and soul were violated in inexplicable ways and they still wanted her to smile. She decided that she’d paint on the smile and pretend for them, when all the while she was breaking inside. She was losing the very essence of who she was as a person. The only thing though that people cared about was that she was a well behaved young lady, not that she was severly broken and drowning little by little. The weight of her life and her secrets weighing down on her and shoving her beneath the currents of everyday life.

 Life seemed to suffocate her at every turn. She began isolating herself from the world. For years now she’s left herself with no friends, no hope, no help…nothing. She didn’t care anymore, she just wanted to be left alone. She wanted to be away from the hurt, but no matter how hard she tried she always seemed to get hurt.

 Now she sits alone. She spends time with only one person. She loves him unconditionally and would die for him. He is her only friend. That way she’s safe. Safe from the world. Away from the people who want to hurt her yet somehow she will never be completely safe. She will always be haunted by her memories of all the hate and regret. And that makes her cry.

 

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    Scream Within

    This is my place, my sanctuary where I can post my thoughts. Some of them, if not most are a bit random and all over the place. Like them, love them, read them or don't. It's all okay in my mind.

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